So Cheri calls me today, right? Says she's writing a Charlotte's Web fiction and needs advice. So I ask her what she needs help with. She answers that it's always bugged her that "dad" is absent throughout the book, and wants to explain where he is with a fluffy fiction. Then she had the thought that maybe spiders are these crazy insects comparable to the virgin Mary who don't need a male to reproduce.

Now me and Squishy had this same question the night before, so I had already looked up the answer on Wikipedia. And our conversations are so weird, that I could say without batting an eye: "Cheri... Joy, Aranea, and Nellie do not have a father because Charlotte ATE HIM." There is a pause... Cheri laughs. "Heehee! Okay now seriously, I need to know the answer." I then hafta tell Cheri that she can look it up on Wiki herself if she feels so inclined, and she is then brought to another dillema.

Cheri: Do I want it to be scientifically correct or what?
Chi: Um, dunno... If you're going for fluff, probably not.
Cheri: Well why not?
Chi: Because "He left us" or "he died" has a bit of a different emotional impact than "I ate him".
Cheri: What would E.B. White do?
Chi: I suppose he would keep it scientifically correct and Charlotte would be all calm about it because that's just nature at work... But seriously, if you're going for fluff, change it.
Cheri: But what if someone calls me on it?
Chi:...
Cheri: What?
Chi:... Hon? Spiders and pigs? They don't talk. Or write. If someone calls you on the mating rituals of spiders, they have a few screws loose...
Cheri: But they might... Everything BUT the talking and writing are scientifically correct...
Chi: Then E.B. White shall haunt you forever and evers for screwing up his book.
Cheri: I'm not screwing it up if I change it, am I?
Chi: You're not doing anything, that's the beauty of fiction.
Cheri: So Charlotte SHOULD eat him?
Chi: Sure.
Cheri: But I want it to be fluffy.
Chi: Then she shouldn't eat him.
Cheri: But I want it to be scientifically correct.
Phone: *CLICK*

And somewhere in heaven, God is comforting a weeping E.B. White.

-Chi <3