They will never be as hot as Lucas'.

HELL YEA I DO.

-Chi <3

Angel: *runs up to me in tears* MISS CHI!!!

Me: What, what's wrong?!

Angel: I TOLD JAKE I LOVED HIM AND HE SAID HE JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS!!!!!

-Chi <3

So I've been getting pretty irritated with myself and this internet habit. I keep promising myself that I'll start limiting it (don't need to take it altogether, it's the staying up late on it thing that's a problem) and keep going back to it. Suddenly I understand the answer to "WHY do smokers keep smoking when they know how bad it is for them??" It's just not that easy when you're addicted to something.

So you can't change what you don't acknowledge, in the words of good ol' Dr. Phil, and yea, it's finally out there: I'm addicted to the internet. Luckily I've managed to keep doing just fine in school and with friends, but it's had a severe affect on my crankiness I've noticed. And that's just not good at ALL.

So I went and read Dr. Phil's site on overcoming addiction last night, and he makes a good point: habits are NOT broken. They are replaced with another behavior. So the reason I keep breaking my addiction and going back is because I get cranky because I'm getting rid of my habit instead of replacing it with a good habit. So how the heck do I go about replacing that habit? So he said you first need to realize what need the addiction is serving.

Well the answer took a second, but it was pretty obvious: it gives me my fix for whatever I happen to be into at the moment. (Right now, High School Musical.) To reiterate actually, my obsession is with RPGing, not necessarily the net. Livejournal harbors a lot of this stuff, so when I lost that one "friend" way back last summer, I thought I'd be over it, but I've actually just found other outlets on the computer for it.

So what's the appeal of RPing? What purpose does it fulfill for me? In the words of Dr. Phil again, we do what works for us.

Well, it's like reading a fanfiction. Only when you read fanfic, you have no control over where the story goes. You do in an RP.

But when I write, I DO get to decide where the story goes. And that's what I realized today: the positive behavior I need to replace my addiction with is writing. I'm damn good at it and I love to do it. It's proven pretty helpful today actually. I log on to get on Microsoft Word, but nothing else. It keeps me pretty contented.

Secondly, hanging out with my friends was what helped me earlier. Charity and me got pretty busy, but now that I'm gonna see her on friday for our first sleepover in ages, I'm way excited, and noticed that I haven't really cared about the computer at all since we agreed on Friday night.

And since I found all this out this morning, I've felt SO great. I've been thinking about all the time I'll have to do things that I've wanted to, but just never had time for because my addiction was taking up so much of it. I'll have time to see my friends whom I've missed dearly more, and I'll have much less opportunity to be cranky and get more sleep.

So today I've been really contented.

I love my friends dearly.

I can't wait for Summer break so I can play my gamecube and drink kool-aid and swim and do all that summer stuff I've missed so much since LAST summer.

I'm gonna have fun with my family (whom I also love dearly) in less than two weeks at Disneyland!!!

I love High School Musical! :) Silly and random, I know, but having a cute lil something like that to love keeps me busy and happy.

I have a job that I love. It's one of the hardest jobs ever, but I do it well, and I leave it happy and with a smile on my face.

Next year I'll be directing that energy to a girl I will henceforth refer to as "T" in the special ed department, and everyday I see her, I get more and more excited.

School has finally gone in my favor, and next year that can only get better.

I'm hungry and I'm going to the movies with my friends tonight so.... squee ya :)

-Chi <3

It's Monday Morning.

I'm sleepy. I'm bored as hell. I could pass out on the keyboard right now from boredom. I'm hungry. I have to go to speech class tomorrow morning.

But a few of my olds friends are back from a very long trip as a project for school. And I missed and love them like nuts. And we're gonna chill at the fair tonight.

But I'm still bored. Oh GOD I'm bored.

-Chi <3

I just needed that one good thing to happen.

I gave both my speeches today. These were among the things my speech teacher said:

"Your best speech you've ever given. Undoubtedly."

"She knew what she was doing. She was obviously knowledgeable on her subject."

"GOSH you've improved in this class."

That's right.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I went to math and understood everything that will be on the next test too.

Now I'm in this ridiculously ecstatic mood. Like cloud nine. Nothing can bring me down now. I wanna go home and have a snack and dance and chill and look forward to my birthday. WOO!!!

-Chi <3

Tomorrow is my birthday. The big 1-9. I'm VERY excited; my coworkers and students at school have some special surprises lined up for me and I can't wait to see my sweet Pigeon and hopefully there will be cookie cake and Rainforest Cafe involved :)

A friend of mine texted me today to see how I was doing after a bad night last night. It really made my morning to know he was thinking of me. He has troubles of his own to worry about, but he still remembered me.

One of my OTHER friends then, is it too much to ask for a little acknowledgment? This friend has slowly but surely been pushing my buttons. I feel very unappreciated by her and when I talked to her about this, she argued instead of apologizing, so I let it drop. It seems to have gotten worse since then.

I thought about this friend's birthday about two weeks in advance. I saw that she didn't want to do anything big for her birthday, so I wanted to do something big FOR her. Me and mom ran around getting cups, plates, balloons, presents, and cakes and threw her a surprise party at my house where we had a sleepover, ate cake, and opened presents.

So today, one day before my birthday (and the last day we both know we'll see each other this week since I'm going to see my Pigeon), I get in the car. Not a word... No "Happy Birthday", No "who's almost 19?!" So I decide to help her along a bit.

Me: ... *deeeeep breath* Can you believe I'm gonna be 19 tomorrow?! How scary...
Her: ... Oh yea. Happy Early Birthday.
Me: Thanks!
Her: I was gonna get you something yesterday, but it was too crazy.

WHAT?!?!?!?

Let's ignore the fact that you're acting like you only had yesterday to throw something together: it was too crazy yesterday to FOLD A PIECE OF CONSTRUCTION PAPER AND WRITE HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON IT, but it WASN'T too crazy to text my phone and tell me that I owe you money for books YOU didn't renew??

Her mom went BONKERS on her for asking me to pay that, by the way. BANANAS. And wouldn't let me pay it. THANK you. So you had PLENTY of time to run around covering your ass for your mistake, but not even a card for me?

I don't wanna sound selfish here. I spent a LOT of money on christmas and birthday gifts for her. You think it wasn't crazy running around throwing a surprise party together in such a short amount of time? No, "craziness" wouldn't stop me from that. But for all that, all I want is a frikken card, a folded piece of paper that you made yourself is fine with me. Hell, I don't even need that. I want to NOT HAVE TO PROMPT YOU TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Yea. For $200 on YOU, I only want an acknowledgment of my day in return.

You had time to run around trying to cover your butt so you didn't have to spend six dollars, but you couldn't throw a card together for me even.

Like, are you too blind to realize how jeopardizing that is to a friendship? Obviously, I'm not a high priority on your list. Amanda got a birthday present on her birthday just three days ago. Did Amanda get you ANYTHING for YOURS?

Favors? Forget em. You have officially burned your bridge. I have asked for nothing in return for what I do for you but your respect as my friend, and right now you're not treating me like a friend. So I can only assume you don't think we are anymore.

So whatever. You do that. I'm going to spend time with my family friends, and I'm way excited about it. So you're not gonna bring me down with this one so you have someone to miserable with. Too bad, I'm too excited to see my Pigeon for that.

-Chi <3

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
"Everyday" High School Musical 2
*Tough one, but a HSM song would describe my feeling if anything else I guess :) Hmm... It's a romantic song, so I guess I'm feeling romantic? But I'm supposed to by title, so... uh.... I'm feeling the same as I do everyday I suppose.

WILL YOU GET FAR IN LIFE?
"Tears in Heaven" Eric Clapton
Oh...... crap.....

HOW DO YOUR FRIENDS SEE YOU?
"Gypsy" Fleetwood Mac
Apparently my friends see me as a traveling con-artist who reads fortunes...

WILL YOU GET MARRIED?
"Once There Was the Sun" Thumbelina
That's hilarious, because this song is about Thumbelina's FIANCE dying. So apparently not :P

WHAT IS YOUR BEST FRIEND'S THEME SONG?
"When You Wish Upon a Star" Pinocchio
Aww, I like this one :) Yes, this fits my friends pretty good.

WHAT IS THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE?
"Feed the Birds (Tuppence a Bag)" Mary Poppins
I like this one too :) The girl who doesn't mind being solitary and loves animals.

WHAT IS HIGH SCHOOL LIKE?
"Return to Pooh Corner" Chris Longstin
Okay I LOVE this one :) Speaks for itself.

HOW CAN YOU GET AHEAD IN LIFE?
"Think of Me" Phantom of the Opera
I guess you can get ahead in life by thinking of me :P

WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS?
"Candle on the Water" Pete's Dragon
My "love for them will always burn" :)

WHAT IS IN STORE FOR THIS WEEKEND?
"Be True to Your School" Beach Boys
NO THANKS. It's my birthday, I'm outta here. But this IS a classic cheer song, and I AM gonna cheer over the weekend, so let's look at it that way :P

THE BEST THING TO DESCRIBE YOUR GRANDPARENTS?
"Seasons of Love" RENT
Not quite, but I guess they are 525,600 miles away :/

HOW IS YOUR LIFE GOING?
"Zipedee Do Da" Song of the South
I LOVE THIS ONE!! :)

WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Happy Little Working Song" Enchanted
Hey, thanks everyone. >:(

HOW DOES THE WORLD SEE YOU?
"Sooner or Later" Song of the South
I guess the world thinks sooner or later I'm gonna get away from Brer Fox and come home. Maybe they all think I'm gonna get away from speech class and come home to San Diego ;)

WILL YOU HAVE A HAPPY LIFE?
"So This is Love" Cinderella
Well that's good :P

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS REALLY THINK OF YOU?
"You Got Me Right Where You Want Me" Jesse McCartney
They all want me to take them on journeys on a broomstick I guess....

DO PEOPLE SECRETLY LUST AFTER YOU?
"After Today" A Goofy Movie
LMAO, I guess they will after today. Wonder what I'm gonna do... Deliver a perfect speech in class this morning I hope.

HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY?
"Proud to Be a Dog" Teacher's Pet
By being a dog? Actually this is a song about being yourself, so I guess by being myself :)

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE?
"Mr. Pants" The song Jake wrote for my comic book villain Mr. Pants.
So I guess I should become a cat and turn evil.

WILL YOU EVER HAVE CHILDREN?
"Somewhere Out There" An American Tail
Crap... I will but they're gonna get lost in an immigrant country...

WHAT SONG WOULD YOU STRIP TO?
"Holiday Foyer" The music played in the foyer of Haunted Mansion Holiday
Yep, that's pretty much me, sadly.

IF A MAN IN A VAN OFFERED YOU CANDY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
"You Are the Music in Me" High School Musical 2
I guess I'd burst into spontaneous song and dance about my love for him.

WHAT IS YOUR DEEP DARK SECRET?
"Without Love" Hairspray
I can't live without Zac Efron, but that's no secret.

WHAT IS YOUR MORTAL ENEMY'S THEME SONG?
"Crazy on You" Heart
My mortal enemy has a crush on me.... ew :P

WHAT IS YOUR PERSONALITY LIKE?
"Carry on Wayward Son" Anchorman Soundtrack (Kansas)
I really dunno what Wayward Son is supposed to be about to be honest :P I just love the song. But it certainly is a hypnotizing rock ballad with high and low points so I guess it works.

I tag anyone and everyone.

-Chi <3

So I'm sick as a dog today. It's a sunday morning and I could normally be seen dancing in my room or playing video games in the living room.

Unfortunately, I caught the cold from hell. Pounding headache, stomach cramps, runny and stuffy nose, sore eyes, weak muscles, achy joints, you name it. Thankfully I was still able to see Candy's play last night (which was an epic beyond epic that I will post about later,) but today I can't even get out of bed. As of now I feel a little better, curled up with a few of Daddy's homemade cookies and the complete 3rd season of Hell's Kitchen. (That show makes me hungry...)

But earlier today when I felt like I could die from being so sick, I tried to take advantage of that and write some fanfic.

Last time I was this sick, I had the luck of just happening to be writing a Sailor Moon fiction in which I had to describe a sort of physical pain Usagi was going through in this dream of hers. It was totally easy, I just wrote down how I felt that morning, and people raved like nuts over the writing, sending reviews akin to "It read SO real, I could feel it myself!"

Now I'm kinda irritated. I've had this idea for a Horton fic floating around my head for a while. There's a lil snippet in the movie that I wanted to take and write what the characters were thinking during it. It was meant to be a fluffy fic, but my characters were also supposed to be troubled about their respective problems. One for being thought of as crazy, and one for having a dad who doesn't understand at all that he doesn't want to have his job when he grows up.

So these are the fictions where I gotta guess. No one thinks I'm crazy (at least not seriously I hope :P) and my parents are supporting me in what I wanna do, so these are the parts where you gotta step into a character and see inside their heads. Reading the scene I'd written over again, I noticed I looked a little too much into MY head.

No one sounded really melancholy about what was going on. They both sounded, well... sick.

GRR. How is one supposed to get out of their own head? I'm sitting here trying to write something like "Jojo felt like no one was hearing him, and it struck a nasty feeling in the dead center of his chest" and getting more like "Jojo felt like no one was hearing him, and it was bringing on a MASSIVE headache." I keep having to reread, step back, and tell myself "No dear, YOU feel a massive headache coming on."

Frustrating as heck.

I'm trying to channel helplessness into the scene now by trying to think of that helpless feeling when you have a cold and you know there's nothing you can do to make it go away instantly. As for trying to channel feelings about the world thinking you're crazy, well, I still haven't figured that one out. I'm doing my best to guess on what the Mayor would be really feeling. I've found a helpful method for that, actually, by just picking out a word that you KNOW that person would feel. The whole world thinks you're crazy: frustration. Who wouldn't be frustrated by that? Now the world's never though I was crazy, but I HAVE been frustrated before, and thus I can build off that word and convey realistic emotions.

Good writers write what they know, and when they don't know, they find a way.

Wow, sorry, I didn't mean for this to turn into a page out of a writing textbook.

Mom, is third-person omnipresent sloppy when you switch back and forth between characters? In other words, I want to start out telling you everything a character is thinking and feeling down to the last detail, and when he sees another character, I want to start doing the same to the NEW character. Does that sound too much like it's switching point of views?

-Chi <3

To my immediate friends/family:

http://www.cafepress.com/disasterlabs.7100664

http://www.cafepress.com/disasterlabs.8016608#

This is the only thing I want for my birthday!! (To open, I mean... don't cancel the Disney trip :P)

Whichever one, I have no preference, I just want one of them pweeeeease :D YEY!

-Chi <3

'S been pretty nice. I woke up this morning and wasn't exhausted as hell for once. Not like I went to bed any earlier than I ever do, but it was nice. Speech was a pain, but it turned out okay. I was got a 100% on the big test today, and I had my outline all ready to turn in and my demonstration speech ready to go in case the teach gave me a pop-speech. Which he did.

So I informed him I would need to hook up my computer to the projector. (An honor he did one of my classmates about three weeks prior.)

He frowned and said I should have taken care of that before class started. I informed him right back that I was unable to know when I should prepare ahead of class or not since HE is the one who decided to not tell us when we individually will be presenting. It shut him up real quick.

But since I had foiled THAT excuse, he goes "I don't wanna unhook their stuff." I told him I knew how to do it myself and he said no. No explanation of course, as usual. Just "no". So, being the resourceful girl I am, I put my file on a flash drive while he monologues and try it on the Windows computer. It doesn't work. Being ever STILL resourceful and refusing to give up (a feat NORMAL teachers would praise), I pick up the computer and inform him I will simply walk around as I demonstrate.

Nope. Can't do that. Why? Who knows. He's the king of no explanations.

So I sat down, embarrassed as hell, informing him I simply couldn't give my speech then. He tried to inform me that was horrible preparation, and I cam right back, not able to take it anymore, and said "It wasn't at all. I prepared a speech. I knew exactly what I needed and had what I needed to do it. You informed me I couldn't do that way, so I had a backup plan, that didn't work, and I had another back-up plan STILL. And you didn't want me to present it. I was COMPLETELY prepared for this speech."

He looked at me for a second and finally said "Well, anyway..." and went on. So I PWNED him, but I'm expecting a 0 in return. Oh well. I worked hard. Heaven forbid I end the semester with a 'B' for that.

So I was still embarrassed, but when he sent us up to the library on our own, my classmates came up to talk to me.

"Come on, it couldn'ta been THAT hard to let you hook it up!"

"What an asshole! He doesn't need to treat you like that!"

"I could tell you worked hard anyway, Chi. Well done."

So that not only wavered my embarrassment, but it felt really good too. Nearly all my speech classmates are adults, so they weren't just emo teenagers who agree that teachers are out to get you no matter what. I worked on my speech and thus spared myself homework over the weekend.

Clements Center finally opened again, so I was able to go swim for the first time in about four weeks. It was nice, I forgot how stress-relieving it is.

So now I'm sitting down with no homework to do, my favorite YouTube parody videos on my laptop screen, a giant slice of cheese pizza and soda from the lounge. (Glad I grabbed my wallet today.)

Looking forward to going home and playing Haunted Mansion on my gamecube, and then seeing Candy's play tomorrow night. Daddy and me are going to the movies on Saturday morning, and then Amanda's part is that night. I'm way excited!!

I'm glad things are good again. School isn't kicking my ass anymore and things are very mellow. Plus, I only have 8 more classes before this semester, and more importantly SPEECH CLASS, are all DONE!!!

-Chi <3

I grabbed the wrong keys this morning :( Locked out of the house.

It's hot.

-Chi <3

Wow, was yesterday an emo day or WHAT?

I've recognized a pattern in those kinds of days, and usually it comes down to school. School pisses me off for one reason or another, and then when my school problems are solved, EVERYTHING seems to be solved. More specifically it all comes down to speech class.

But I went into speech today and got some great ideas for the visual aid speech. It's gonna be a pretty nice presentation, and I'm excited for it. I also understood math again today and just got out of the testing center; I think it went well.

I told my friends they have til today to find someone for the Disney trip, or it's off. That's taken a CRAPload of stress off me. It sucks that we'll only get two days at Disney if I go with mom and dad, but I get to run around and do whatever I want, and two days is better than one or no days. (And at Paradise Pier no less.)

So here's something I haven't done in a while, but it's long overdue: my list of ten good things about this week:

1. I'm really excited to get started on my visual aid speech. I'm totally gonna blow the teach away, and I've even got ideas for the persuasive speech that we haven't even started thinking about yet.

2. Cheering and dancing are fun for me again. I was getting worried since it was becoming a chore, but all artists have those days where they lose inspiration and gain it back a short while after. (Thank you for that lesson, Kiki's Delivery Service)

3. I feel a lot thinner lately. My confidence in my weight's been phenomenal for about a year now, and I love it. The intense exercise is paying off.

4. I found a lot of my old Empire friends on MySpace, and I'm so excited to talk to them again.

5. We're going to visit sissy the weekend of my birthday, and we're going to Rainforest Cafe and a movie. (And my sweet Pigeon will be there, YAY!)

6. Candy's play is this weekend, and she sent me a very thoughtful email this morning detailing just how grateful she was that I was the only one showing up.

7. Me and my daddy get to hang out alone this weekend, which is always fun. (And Amanda's b-day party is Saturday; busy weekend!)

8. There's only FOUR WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT!!! And after that, it's online classes for me, yo. That means half the stress and twice the money I'm making to get to San Diego.

9. This summer, there's no stressing over being accepted into colleges or living arrangements. Only working part-time and relaxing like the old days.

10. My sissy rules and cares about me so much and made it clear that Pigeon has not replaced me :) I love you!!

-Chi <3

Seriously, SO tired of them. It's recently come to my attention that I have no friends who would come through for me. Which is sad, because I'd do anything for them. They only do for ME what's convenient for THEM.

I've had the week from hell. And none of my friends will talk with me about it because they're either busy watching a movie, putting together tl;dr retarded chatlogs, or they just don't care. Seriously? Do those sound like EXCUSES to you? I'd think the only thing stopping ME from comforting a friend would be being caught on fire.

I HOPE I don't catch fire. Cause the first ones to the hospital certainly won't be any of my friends.

-Chi <3

This wasn't up but an hour before someone reposted it and tried to call it their own work. It got flagged and taken down within half an hour while mine lives on, boo-ya.

Seriously, don't steal like that. That's just dumb.

Give it a look if you're reading this, the editing was ridiculously hard; and yet probably my best editing jobs in ages.



-Chi <3