So I've been getting pretty irritated with myself and this internet habit. I keep promising myself that I'll start limiting it (don't need to take it altogether, it's the staying up late on it thing that's a problem) and keep going back to it. Suddenly I understand the answer to "WHY do smokers keep smoking when they know how bad it is for them??" It's just not that easy when you're addicted to something.

So you can't change what you don't acknowledge, in the words of good ol' Dr. Phil, and yea, it's finally out there: I'm addicted to the internet. Luckily I've managed to keep doing just fine in school and with friends, but it's had a severe affect on my crankiness I've noticed. And that's just not good at ALL.

So I went and read Dr. Phil's site on overcoming addiction last night, and he makes a good point: habits are NOT broken. They are replaced with another behavior. So the reason I keep breaking my addiction and going back is because I get cranky because I'm getting rid of my habit instead of replacing it with a good habit. So how the heck do I go about replacing that habit? So he said you first need to realize what need the addiction is serving.

Well the answer took a second, but it was pretty obvious: it gives me my fix for whatever I happen to be into at the moment. (Right now, High School Musical.) To reiterate actually, my obsession is with RPGing, not necessarily the net. Livejournal harbors a lot of this stuff, so when I lost that one "friend" way back last summer, I thought I'd be over it, but I've actually just found other outlets on the computer for it.

So what's the appeal of RPing? What purpose does it fulfill for me? In the words of Dr. Phil again, we do what works for us.

Well, it's like reading a fanfiction. Only when you read fanfic, you have no control over where the story goes. You do in an RP.

But when I write, I DO get to decide where the story goes. And that's what I realized today: the positive behavior I need to replace my addiction with is writing. I'm damn good at it and I love to do it. It's proven pretty helpful today actually. I log on to get on Microsoft Word, but nothing else. It keeps me pretty contented.

Secondly, hanging out with my friends was what helped me earlier. Charity and me got pretty busy, but now that I'm gonna see her on friday for our first sleepover in ages, I'm way excited, and noticed that I haven't really cared about the computer at all since we agreed on Friday night.

And since I found all this out this morning, I've felt SO great. I've been thinking about all the time I'll have to do things that I've wanted to, but just never had time for because my addiction was taking up so much of it. I'll have time to see my friends whom I've missed dearly more, and I'll have much less opportunity to be cranky and get more sleep.

So today I've been really contented.

I love my friends dearly.

I can't wait for Summer break so I can play my gamecube and drink kool-aid and swim and do all that summer stuff I've missed so much since LAST summer.

I'm gonna have fun with my family (whom I also love dearly) in less than two weeks at Disneyland!!!

I love High School Musical! :) Silly and random, I know, but having a cute lil something like that to love keeps me busy and happy.

I have a job that I love. It's one of the hardest jobs ever, but I do it well, and I leave it happy and with a smile on my face.

Next year I'll be directing that energy to a girl I will henceforth refer to as "T" in the special ed department, and everyday I see her, I get more and more excited.

School has finally gone in my favor, and next year that can only get better.

I'm hungry and I'm going to the movies with my friends tonight so.... squee ya :)

-Chi <3