Just how long does a Benadryl high last anyway?

No, I didn't REALLY get high off it, and not on purpose. I was pretty sick and they gave me two at work (after I asked if it was safe and they still said yes) and got very confused. Started hearing and seeing things, got extremely tired, I'd get scared for no reason throughout the day, I couldn't understand what people were saying to me, and when I got home from work I flopped on the couch and crashed for about three hours. I don't understand why anyone would wanna get high after experiencing that. It was awful. Waking up was the worst part. I think I'll stick to motrin from now on, thanks...

Something worked out with the timing though I guess (wouldn't dare to try it again, but hey) because it was the best sleep I'd had in months. Sick or not. I've been having really messed up dreams (by messed up I mean non-sensical dreams that leave me exhausted when I wake up) for the last few months and it's been driving me crazy. I hadn't slept through the night in ages, I've been tossing and turning, and just can't quiet my thoughts down at night. I've tried everything in the book. Going to bed earlier, having a cup of tea and reading a book before bed, not lying in bed when I can't sleep, doing mundane activities to get me tired, but still I'd get exhausting dreams and couldn't sleep through the night. It was getting to the point where I was including in my nightly prayer to just PLEASE let me have one night of dreamless sleep.

But Friday night was great. I slept through the entire night, didn't toss and turn, didn't dream, got up at a decent hour and woke up actually feeling rested. (A feeling I wasn't sure I could have anymore, perhaps because I'm just not a morning person.)

So what's weird is I've also noticed myself rocking less and less since Friday. I tend to rock when I stand and it drives my mom nuts. Not rocking really bothers me though, so I looked it up online. I guess rocking they say is soothing because it mimics our heartbeats. Every site I looked up said it was also an insecurity issue. Which I found strange. Insecure? I don't THINK I'm insecure about anything...

I will admit over the last few months I've been REALLY scared about going back to my 7th grade days. Those days where I was kinda going through a bitchy, sorta depressed state without even realizing it. I suppose the trick is I'm more aware of it now and have the tools to take care of it. (Thanks to Sean Covey.) The reason I started fearing this was happening was just because of my mood in general. Me and mom were starting to butt heads a bit more than usual, I wasn't really getting quite as excited about things as I used to be, the little things in life weren't making me giddy like they used to. Candy's dad started taking to calling me a "stress-muffin". I was kinda starting to get bored with life and nothing was quite as exciting as I used to think it was.

So I kinda started thinking about some things. And call me a bible-thumper, a religious pansy, whatever you want, I don't care. But the point is I think what happened is I haven't been paying as much attention to my relationship with God as I should be lately. And to be honest, that was part of what got me out of my 7th grade funk.

This isn't a silly story to convert people, it's MY story. Find whatever religion (or lack thereof) that works for YOU to make you happy. I believe in that message strongly, so this story is very real, not a "LOLOL GO FIND JESUS NAO" story.

Around the end of 7th grade after reading Sean Covey's book, I decided out of the blue to try a lil experiment. I went to Margaret's church with her one saturday night. I REALLY enjoyed myself. There was something really nice about being welcomed in with open arms, having fun with people I'd never even met before, and feeling like I belonged to something. And not just belonging, JUST belonging is what makes a cult. Belonging because you share an idea with a group of people of your own free will makes a religion.

That was kinda it. It really was the point I decided to start thinking about believing in God. (Not that I DIDN'T believe before. I wasn't an atheist, but I wasn't RELIGIOUS per-say, either. I simply didn't think about it, or care very much. My basic belief fell under "I'll find out when I die I guess.") I started reading the bible a lil more and finally decided religion was something worth trying.

I specifically remember that being the turning point in my life. I stopped being depressed all the time and started having more fun. I started appreciating more and more the little things that were being given to me in life and enjoying the one-time gift God gave me sincerely, instead of doing a fake dance of happy throughout the day.

It's something, sadly, that I've kept with me, but been neglecting over I'd say the last two and a half years. I used to pray to God every morning during the moment of silence and every night, (which I do, but no longer on weekends when friends are over or I've been out late and such.) I used to be really conscious of God being there with me all the time and giving me strength to continue being as optimistic as I am. I've noticed that while I'm still acknowledging that I have a relationship with God, the only time I've been thinking about Him is when I realize I've forgotten to pay Him a visit, or when I'm thinking how disappointed He must be in me for feeling so sad.

I've started thinking about Him a lot more lately and building my relationship back up with Him. And let me tell ya, it's a LOT less of a lonely feeling. I feel loved and watched all the time now instead of just when I'm with my family or friends. I feel it when I'm alone now too. And there's no love like God's love, so it's been really warm and fuzzy since I've really seriously got him back into my daily life.

Another thing that made this weekend great is I've gotten back into an old habit I had in 8th grade: sitting at my computer, playing simple, cute lil board, card, racing, football, ANYTHING games, listening to my old Itunes music, lighting an incense cone, and sipping on a coke or apple juice.

In Sean Covey's book, he said the only way to make all the life habits come together and work to make your life happy is to pay close attention to the 7th habit: sharpen the saw. In 8th grade, computer games, music, and incense were my "sharpen the saw" time. It's something I just kinda stopped doing one day for some reason. I've gotten back into it and it makes me extremely happy.

I've been hit with a case of nostalgia this weekend too. I decided to watch Jonah: A Veggietales Movie on friday for the first time in a while. I watched the Big Idea tour and looked through some of my old drawings and letters, and Sari even came over Saturday afternoon to make me a replacement "WE (WILL) DID FINISH THIS MOVIE!!" sign that I had as an homage to Big Idea way back when.

So I WAAAAY digress, but yea, I've stopped rocking, I've reinstated my connection with God, and I sleep through the night now.

So what was bugging me so much? Um, good question, I dunno. I just know I was sitting here playing a computer board game and suddenly became so overcome with happiness, I thought I might cry. And I know that I'll be happy for a LOOOONG time following this too. I mean, years ahead, this is a long term happy.

Is it because I'm not sick anymore and simply enjoying my health a great deal now? Was I just hit with the overwhelming nostalgia feeling from hearing Second Chances while playing Hoyle Board Games? Did I just remember that I need to hit the pause button on life and relax once in a while? Is my reinstated relationship with God just giving me that overwhelming happiness back once again? I think it's a combination of all those, but really, whatever the reason is, I don't care. I dunno what was bothering me in my life, and I dunno what suddenly took it away, but I don't care, point is...

Chi's back, bitch. :D

-(Happier than ever) Chi <3

P.S. Okay, so this turned into WAY longer of a post than I meant it to be. It was just gonna be a joke about "lolol meds make you happy" but I started and realized I needed to write it all down. Woohoo!